


your eyes will lead me straight back home

by rocketshiptospace



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Fake Boyfriends AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2843003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'As he vaguely listens to his mother ramble on and on about the  wedding and the changes that must be made he realizes there is no way he's going to get out of this. His mother is set on getting his 'boyfriend' at the wedding and nothing's going to change her mind now.    </p><p>Which honestly only leaves him with one solution to this problem: convince Ashton to come to the wedding with him and act as his boyfriend.   </p><p><i>Wonderful.</i>'</p><p>or, Luke and Ashton pretend to be dating at Luke's brother's wedding and really, Luke's just setting himself up for his own heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your eyes will lead me straight back home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Itisjustmyself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itisjustmyself/gifts).



> I FINISHED
> 
> this baby took a hel of a lot of time and its literally the longest thing ive ver written but im so proud!!!! im really happy with it :)) this fic is for andfluoresecentlights, who's wishlist i picked for the secret santa. the original prompt was: 'non famous lashton fake dating because luke needs somebody to accompany him to his brother’s wedding and nobodys even a bit surprised' and i sort of... ran with it 
> 
> i hope you like it!!!!

Luke wonders how he always manages to get himself into these things. Honestly, he doesn't even actively try, yet he always ends up in these weird awkward situations with absolutely no way out.

It all starts when his mother calls him on a rather uneventful Tuesday afternoon. He had been trying to write an essay prior to the call, but 'writing his essay' mostly just consisted of him scrolling through Facebook and watching old Disney movies on Netflix. He's sitting in the living room, snuggled into one of the corners of the couch, wrapped in blankets and with a tea mug in his hand because the heater in the apartment he shares with Ashton once again failed them in their time of need so now it's freezing cold and Luke can't feel his toes most of the time . 

Luke lets the phone ring for a good bit before he finally sighs and untangles himself from his blanket nest to fetch it from where it's placed on the coffee table. "Hello? " 

"Luke, baby, it's your mother!" He hears his mother's voice say and he can't help the smile that creeps on his face. His parents live a good six hours away from his apartment so he doesn't get to see them all too often. They try to call each other as frequently as they can, but work and college and other things often get in the way. 

"Mum! How are you?" 

They talk for awhile, about things that have happened since the last time they spoke, about his brother's wedding that's coming up in only a month and about the well being of his family. It's nice, having a relaxed chat with his mother. He misses her a lot, and it's nice to catch up with her. Until she bring up Luke's most dreaded topic of conversation. The one he always tries to avoid (he always fails to do so) and one his mother never seems to shut up about. 

"Anyway, Luke, darling, how's your love life? Have you found yourself a nice boy or girl  yet?" Luke dreads this question, because  _no, he hasn’t_. He has his reasons, of course. Just not necessarily reasons he feels the need to share with his mum. His mother, however, is very adamant on getting him a significant other. It probably has something to do with Ben and his wife settling down and buying a house and possibly getting kids and Jack and his fiancée getting married soon. 

Ever since Jack got engaged his mother seemed to focus on her youngest getting a significant other even more than before. Before this she had Jack and Ben to fuss over, but now they're both settling down she seemed to have focused all her attention on trying to find the perfect partner for Luke. There's been an array of boy's and girl's she's tried to introduce to Luke but Luke has successfully managed to dodge them so far. 

He doesn't necessarily mind his mother trying to set him up, it's just, he's not really interested. So mostly he listens to her ramble on about this nice girl she met at some Christmas party from her friend Isabelle and how she would be  _perfect _ for Luke and politely declines every attempt his mother makes to set them up for a date. This time however, it runs a bit differently.

His mother seems to take his silence as a sign he has not, in fact, found himself a nice boy or girl and continuous speaking. "So, you know how your brother's wedding is coming up, right? Well I've been talking  to Celeste and her best friends little brother is going to be there too and he would be absolutely  _perfect _ for you according to Celeste. I was thinking maybe he could sit next to you during the  reception dinner? I know it's unusual for someone who isn't explicatively part of the family to sit with the family at the dinner tables,  but I've talked to Celeste about it and she thinks-" 

"I have a boyfriend." 

Luke has no idea what makes him say that, but he just knows he needs his mother to stop talking. He doesn't want to sit next to Celeste's best friend 's little brother at the  reception, he doesn't want to awkwardly flirt and talk with a boy he's never met before only to never see him again after the wedding. He's slightly fed up with his mother continuously trying to set him up, he just wants her to stop for a few seconds. 

In all honesty, his words do have his desired effect. His mother is quiet for a good thirty seconds before she starts speaking again, sounding even more excited then before. "Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me? That's such wonderful news, you could have just told me, I would've never tried and set you up with someone else! I'm so happy for you, this is amazing news! " 

This is it. This is the perfect moment to tell his mother he doesn't _actually _ have a boyfriend, that he just said it to get her off her back and that he's still one hundred percent completely single. He should definitely do that, because lying to your mother is _rude_  and it's probably only going to get you into a shit ton of problem. 

But no, the words that leave his mouth are "Yeah, we've been taking it slow a bit, you know? He came out of a really rocky relationship so we've kind of been keeping it on the down low, just taking it slow. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, we're just trying to take this one step at a time. But, yeah, I have a boyfriend. I think we're getting pretty serious too. "

"Oh honey, I  _totally _ understand! I'm sorry for pulling it out of you like that, I really am. I'm just so happy for you! Now, do tell me, what's this lovely guy's name?" 

And that's when the most unfortunate thing  ever  happens. Ashton, who apparently just came home from what Luke assumes was grocery shopping, judging by the bags in his hands, walks into the room. He's wearing skinny jeans and a tank top and Luke can see the muscles in his arms flex as he repos itions  the bags in his arms and nods at Luke in greeting. Luke, who was still desperately searching for a name for his non existent boyfriend, swallows thickly at the sight before him and  thinks 'Fuck it, this lie is already getting out of control anyway' and says, confidently, "Ashton." 

Ashton raises an eyebrow and Luke makes a vague hand g esture  that he hopes indicates Ashton that he'll explain it later. Ashton seems to get it and wanders off into the kitchen, giving Luke a perfect view of his thighs in the tight skinny jeans as he wanders  off.

When Ashton has disappeared into the kitchen Luke realizes his mother is still talking to him and he zones back into the conversation right as she says "You should bring him with you to the wedding! We'd all love to meet him, it'll be the perfect opportunity. " 

This is the moment Luke realizes he's made a  _gigantic_  mistake. Because once his mother has decided on something, it's happening, no matter what he says. And indeed, when he starts with  "Oh, mum, I don't know if that-" she immediately interrupts him.

"No, no, absolutely no excuses. You're taking Ashton with you to the wedding. He's the first person you've been serious about in a very long time and I'm sure the whole family would love to meet him. It's no fuss either, he can stay in the guest room with you, assuming you're still staying overnight, and I'll discuss everyt h ing  with Celeste, but I'm convinced it's pretty easy to get him on the guest list and  all . Oh, we do have to get in touch with the catering, for the extra diner guest and stuff, but that will be fine. Other than that..." His mother continuous, thinking of various things that need to be changed to accommodate Ashton, but Luke has zoned out. 

As he vaguely listens to his mother ramble on and on about the wedding and the changes that must be made he realizes there is no way he's going to get out of this. His mother is set on getting his 'boyfriend' at the wedding and nothing's going to change her mind now. 

Which honestly only leaves him with one solution to this problem: convince Ashton to come to the wedding with him and act as his boyfriend.

_ Wonderful. _

\--

The thing about Ashton is, that Luke kind of really  has a gigantic crush on him. Ever since he met Ashton for the first time at one of Michael's crazy parties about two years ago and moved in with him when he needed a roommate about a year later, he has been absolutely smitten with the guy. 

There's just something about Ashton that always pulls Luke in. Something about the way he talks, the way  he moves, that takes Luke's breath away and makes him feel like he's falling and never landing. 

It's not even Ashton's physique, which of course is very nice, with his muscular arms and amazing thighs. Don't even get him started on Ashton's face, with his bright shining hazel eyes that always have that tiny sparkle of mischief in them and the soft honey curls that frame his face and that  _smile _ . Luke thinks he likes Ashton's smile best, that little quirk of his lips that makes Luke believe that everything will be right in the world, that reminds him of freshly washed clothes and hot chocolate on a rainy day, of happy things.

No, the parts of Ashton that draw in Luke the most is his personality. It's the way he cares about people, is always there for them, putting their needs in front of his own . H ow he can always tell when Luke is feeling particularly grumpy and will try to cheer him up. How he's genuinely one of the most uplifting  people Luke knows. How he gets so passionate about music he just starts rambling on and on about it and honestly Luke could listen to him speak for the rest of his life. 

The worst part of it all is that he has to _live_  with Ashton. And that over the time they've been living together, they've actually become  _friends_.  So now he has to deal with Ashton sleepily curling up to him when the heater broke again and they're watching movies after a long day of work. He has to deal with Ashton standing in his kitchen in the morning, making the both of them pancakes with a bright smile on his face. He has to deal with almost bumping into Ashton when he's leaving the bathroom with only a towel slung around his waist.

He has to deal with Ashton shuffling into his bedroom every now and then, timidly asking if it would be okay for him to sleep in Luke's bed, just for the night. Because even though Ashton's older, Luke knows he misses his family a lot and sometimes it's hard to deal when they're so far away. He has to deal with Ashton wrapping his arms around Luke's bare chest and Ashton pressing his nose against  Luke's collar bone and mumbling 'good night Lukey ' as he shoves his cold toes against Luke's warm legs. 

Luke has to deal with Ashton being the most important person in his life without Ashton knowing he is. Luke has to deal with this gigantic crush on Ashton even though Ashton will  _never know _ .

Because Ashton is basically so far out of Luke's league he's probably in another galaxy. Ashton will never like Luke back, because Ashton can get _so_ _much better _ . So Luke settles on eating breakfast together while they giggle at each other over their pancakes, settles for movie nights and late night cuddles, because that's all he's ever going to get. And one day Ashton will find someone else who  will do that with him and Luke will be left alone.

\--

But right now Ashton's still here, right  _there_  actually, on the chair in front of Luke as they eat din n er while Luke wrecks his mind trying to come up with ways to ask Ashton to be his boyfriend.

Not like, his  _ actual  _ boyfriend. His pretend boyfriend. One who will  accompany  him to the wedding and convince his mother he's actually in a relationship. One that will assure  his mother that he is  _fine_ ,  that he can take care of himself. One that will laugh with his brother and talk sports with his dad and compliment his grandmother on her new dress. One that will make his mother say things like "He really fits in well with the family, Luke, like he's always been part of it."  

The worst part of it all is that Ashton would probably  _be_ that person. Ashton would have Luke's family wrapped around his finger in no time, because Ashton is sweet and charming and all Luke's ever wanted. The more he thinks about it, the more it scares him, and that's when Ashton finally breaks the deafening silence that had been hanging over the table.

"Luke? Are you okay? You've been strangely quiet ever since you got of the phone. Is something wrong?" 

Luke looks up and meets Ashton's eyes. He can see the tiny bit of worry laced in Ashton's features, the little quirk of his eyebrow and the slight downturn of his mouth, his eyes searching Luke's face for any sign of, well, anything. Luke's never been good at lying, always spills his thought immediately, but he doesn't think he could've held it in even if he had been an excellent liar, not when Ashton's looking at him like _that .  _

"I told my mother I have a boyfriend and now she  invited him to the wedding." 

Ashton face closes for a split second. Well, no, it doesn't really, it's just he has having one of those rare moments where he can't actually read Ashton's expression and for a  moment  he's scared that Ashton's mad at him, for whatever reason.

But then a smile spreads across Ashton's face, even though Luke can still detect a little bit of hardness in his eyes, and he says "You never told me you had a boyfriend! Come on Luke, I'm your friend,  you're supposed to tell me everything! We live together, for god sakes. What if I had walked out of the bedroom one morning and he'd just be lying on the couch in his underwear like ' wassup '. There's a very high chance I would've hit him in the face with a saucepan. He could've died Luke, all because you never  _told me . _ " 

Luke stares at him blankly for a second, suddenly realizing why Ashton looked so annoyed. He thought Luke had lied to him.  Or well, withheld information from him.  He thought Luke actually had a boyfriend he could take to the wedding with him. Which, well, he wish he did. "No! No, no I don't?  Have a boyfriend? Which is kind of the problem, honestly." 

Ashton's eyebrows furrow together. "You don't? But you just said-" 

"I  _know _  what I just said, Ashton.  But like, what happened was that m y mom was on my back again about getting a  lover  and she was kind of annoying me and I wanted her to stop talking so I just, I just blurted it out." Luke sighs and buries his head in his hands. "And now my mom expects me to bring him to the wedding with him and I just," He looks up to where Ashton's looking at him with a slightly  pitiful  look. 

"That's kind of not all of it."  Luke  eventually says, no longer being able to take the look on Ashton's face. It's a look that kind of screams _'_ _I wish I could help you out I would climb a mountain for you I'd travel all around the world just to see you smile again'_.  It's a look he's seen before, countless times, because that's just the kind of person Ashton is, looking at you like you're his whole world and like he will not rest until he's happy. It makes his dumb stupid crush on Ashton even worse, if he's honest. How can you possibly get over someone when they look at you like  _that _ ?

"What is it,  Lukey ?" And of course he pulls out the nickname. Of fucking course he does, like Luke doesn't already feel bad enough about loving him and possibly roping him into this, he has to use  _the nickname_ , the one he only uses when it's just the two of them, late at night, or when Ashton can sense when something's off with Luke. Luke loves the nickname as much as he hates it, really.

He looks at his dinner plate. His potatoes has gone cold by now, though he wasn't really hungry for them in the first place. He pokes at them with his fork. "I kind of told her it was you." 

There's a silence. Luke pokes his potato a little more aggressively. He waits for Ashton to say something, anything, because right now he feels like the silence is going to do him in.

The thing is, he's not even sure how Ashton is  _suppo sed _  to respond. Let alone what he expects Ashton to say. It's such a weird thing to drop on someone , like 'Yeah I told my mom we were dating and now I  kind of need you to pretend to be my boyfriend and come to this wedding with me'. It's not exactly a situation you find yourself in on a daily basis. But then he hears Ashton place his fork down on the table with a soft clunk as he finally speaks up. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it." 

Luke head shoots up so fast it's a surprise he doesn’t accidentally pull a muscle. He looks at Ashton, who's looking at him with his hands folded before him, soft smile on his face. "What." 

"I said I'll do  it. I'll go to the wedding with you and I'll pretend to be your boyfriend." 

"But it's- You don't have to-" Luke starts, trying to think of any way to say that Ashton doesn't have to do it without sounding like he doesn't actually  _want_  Ashton there. 

Because that's the problem. He does want Ashton there. He wants Ashton there more than anything, wants to make faces at Ashton during the ceremony, wants to introduce him to all his family members during the reception, wants to giggle with him as they eat the fancy food his mother and Celeste probably picked out, wants to  dance with him until  the night is ending, wants to fall onto the bed in the guestroom they probably share together, wants to whisper 'today was great' as they're falling asleep.

But he also wants Ashton to murmur 'next time it'll be us  at the altar ' as he presses a sleepy kiss to Luke's forehead  and that's where the problem lays. Luke wants Ashton there, more than anything, but he also just wants  Ashton. And he's scared that by allowing Ashton to go to the wedding with him, he's only complicating it more for himself.

"Honestly Luke, it's no problem at all. Should be fun, right? We hang with your family for a bit, go to a wedding. Haven't been to a wedding in a while and I  _love_  weddings. Plus I get to meet your family. I've heard so much about them already, it's about time I finally meet them." Ashton's tone is reassuring and his eyes are twinkling with what Luke assumes must be excitement and sometimes he can't believe someone like Ashton is actually real.

"But you'd have to- You'd be- You'd have to pretend to be my boyfriend." Luke eventually stutters out and Ashton shrugs. 

"Seriously Luke, it's not problem,  I don't mind. It's not a big deal, we'd just have to hold hands and kiss a few times. Should be a laugh, yeah?" 

And oh, okay, that kind of stings. 'Should be a laugh' is a harsh reminder for Luke that this is a Very Bad Idea. It's probably only going to bring him heartache, because to Ashton,  _ this is all a joke _ . They're going to pretend to be boyfriends at the wedding and afterwards Ashton will see it as a hilarious story to tell his kids when he's old and married to someone else  and Luke will see it as a small glimpse into a life he'll never be able to have. So yeah, very bad idea.

But Ashton's smiling at him, all bright and excited and Luke's weak, always weak, at least when it comes to Ashton, so he smiles too and says. "Yeah, okay. We can do that. Pretend to be boyfriends. Should be fun." 

\--

The two months leading up to the wedding are quite possible the worst of Luke's life. He regrets asking Ashton to be his fake boyfriend more than anything, especially because since Ashton agreed to be Luke's boyfriend, their dynamic has rapidly changed.

It all starts the morning after Ashton agreed to do it. They talked about it for awhile, Luke gave him all the details he knew about the wedding and that was it. They both went to bed, said their goodnights and nothing was weird. 

But the next morning, when Luke's fighting with their shitty coffee maker in the kitchen, he suddenly feels two arms sneak around a waist and someone press a kiss to his shoulder.   


He jumps about ten feet in the air and swivels around, only to be met with Ashton, who's sleepily smiling at him.

"Good morning." 

"Good morning?" Luke squeaks, still feeling the soft touch from Ashton's lips on his shoulder. It's just like, they're friends, affectionate friends, but this kind of affection is on a whole other level. This is relationship affection, not friendship affection.

Ashton must sense Luke's  discomfort (probably given away by his widened eyes and half open mouth) and shrugs. "Sorry, I'm just, I'm trying to get into this whole boyfriend thing? I'm just, I'm not used of being with you like, you know, like  _that_ , so I'm just, like, testing out? I'm scared your mother is going to see right through me and like, kick me out or something if we  don't at least look remotely real, you know? I'm sorry if I made you, like, uncomfortable. I probably should've, I don't know, warned you." Ashton looks a bit sheepish now, as he rubs the back of his head. His shirt rides up in the process and Luke momentarily gets distracted by the small strip of soft skin that's now fully exposed.

"Uh, yeah, no, that, uh, that makes sense? I just, I didn’t, I didn't really expect you? To do that? I'm so sorry, I just, you startled me, is all." Luke mutters, going back to his coffee, trying to ignore Ashton's messy bed hair and his slightly tinted cheeks. 

"Go ahead, do whatever you want, I'm just glad you're okay with this. I really didn't want to have that conversation with my mother, you know, like, 'Oh yeah no mom, I don't actually have a boyfriend I just said it to get you off my back, oops'. Not sure if she would be incredibly mad  or be all piti ful like 'Oh don't worry baby, you'll find the one, it'll be okay!'. I also don't know which one would be worse." Luke tries to act casual, because Ashton's still insanely close, hasn't moved much since Luke first noticed him standing behind him and if he just took a step forward their chests would touch. He tries to nonchalantly tries to take a sip of his coffee, his piping hot coffee, and Ashton laughs when Luke splutters as the burning liquid hits his tongue.

"Careful, Luke. Wouldn't want you to burn your mouth before the big day, you never know if you might need it."  Ashton says with a wink as he grabs his own cup of coffee before he wanders off to the living room, leaving a slightly flabbergasted Luke behind.

\--

It doesn't stop after that. If anything, it gets worse. It's just little touches mostly, ones that cross the already fragile line between friends and lovers they usually walk. It's Ashton hooking his chin over Luke's shoulder and placing his hand on his waist as they're doing groceries and trying to decide which cereal to buy. It's Ashton intertwining their pinkies when they walk to the bar they were supposed to meet Michael and  Calum  on a Friday night. It's Ashton softly pressing a kiss to Luke's cheek when he leaves for class  in the morning. It's Ashton kissing him square on the mouth one night, right as he's about to go to bed. 

Okay, so the last one is also kind of really Luke's own fault.

It happens a week before the wedding, after a long day of classes and studying and work. They've both collapsed on the couch, eating  take out Chinese and watching bad horror movies, like they always do when they sort of feel like the world is moving fast, too fast, and they can't keep up anymore. 

Ashton has his feet in Luke's lap, back pressed against the armrest of the couch. He's wearing his glasses, and he's just came out of the shower, which means his curls are still slightly damp and sticking together a bit. He's wearing a t-shirt of which Luke's pretty sure is actually his and a pair of sweatpants that are actually a bit big on him which means Luke can see a small strip of hipbone poking out over the waistband. Luke curls his hand around one of Ashton's socked feet in his lap and starts softly tracing his finger up and down the underside of Ashton's foot to distract himself from how honest to god amazing Ashton looks when he is like this.

Ashton lets out a startled yelp and pulls his foot back as a reflex, almost kicking Luke in the nose in the process. "Lucas! Stop that!" Ashton scolds, glaring at him from over his pulled up knee. 

Luke smiles, a little mischievously and quickly grabs Ashton's other foot, the one still in his lap, and starts tickling him mercilessly.

Ashton squeals and tries to yank his foot back, wriggling uncontrollably as his laughter spills from his mouth. "Luke! You absolute dick, stop that!" He breaths out between laughs, but Luke doesn't budge. 

"That's what you get for calling me Lucas." Luke says, trying very hard to ignore the butterflies that start fluttering in his stomach at the sound of Ashton's breathless laughter.  


Ashton finally manages to free his foot then and lets out a  triumphant "HA!" , before surging forward and digging his fingers in Luke's sides.  "Two can play that game." 

Luke, who realizes he's made a grave mistake by starting to tickle Ashton, especially because  h e himself is the most ticklish person who's ever graced the earth, aggressively starts to wriggle away from Ashton's grip. "Ashton, please, have mercy, have mercy!" 

"Never, you heathen!" 

Ashton digs his fingers into Luke's side again and they press into that one spot that has Luke doubling over and laughing so hard he looses his balance and before either of them know what's going on they've toppled onto the floor, Luke sprawled out all over Ashton.

With Ashton's fingers gone from his waist Luke can finally breathe again and he takes a few shaky gulps of air as he comes down from his laughing fit. For a moment he forgets where he is, just trying to regain his breath but then he hears a soft giggle from underneath him and when he looks down he sees Ashton's bright hazel eyes looking up to him. They're sparkling with happiness and his  cheeks are flushed and his mouth is slightly parted and Luke has never wanted to kiss a person so much in his entire life.

Ashton expression changes, from happiness to something a bit darker, unreadable. He's looking up to Luke with something  that  can only describe as  _want_   and suddenly Luke is incredibly aware of how close they are. He's still on top of Ashton, their chests pressed close and legs tangled together and it's so easy,  _so easy _  for Luke to just to do, to just lean down and kiss him. 

But he doesn't. He doesn't, because they might've been blurring the lines lately, all in the name of the fake boyfriends act they have to put up in only a week, but this is a whole step further. This is  _ kissing _ . So instead, Luke just stares at Ashton, stares at his slightly di lated  pupils and half open mouth and wishes his life was easier, that he could just  _ do  _ those things without thinking about it too much. 

They lay there for awhile, staring at each other, breathing each other air, like they're both waiting for something, just  _something_  to happen. 

Ashton's the first one to break. He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat  and suddenly he's fisting his hands into the tattered fabric of Luke's shirt and hauling him down, smashing their lips together with slightly too much force but Luke's not really focusing on that, because holy  _shit .  _

_ Ashton is kissing him . _

It doesn't take long for Luke to reciprocate the kiss, grabbing at Ashton's shirt, his shoulders, anything, as their lips slide together . It's not magic, it's not fireworks, but it's Ashto n and it's all Luke's ever wanted. His hands find their way into Ashton's still damp hair and he tangles his fingers in it, making Ashton gasp into his mouth.

Luke's not really sure who of them pulls away first, all he knows is that one moment they're kissing and the next they're just staring at each other, panting loudly. Ashton's eyes are searching Luke's face, for  _something_ ,  although Luke has no idea what and he can't do anything else but stare back at the boy underneath him, pupils blown wide as he tries to grasp what exactly just happened.

"Uh," Ashton says, finally, after the silence has been dragging on for quite a long time. "I thought, uh, practice?" 

And it's that one little world, that one pesky little world that brings Luke crashing back to earth. Because, yeah, practice , Ashton's been doing everything these past two months for practice. Because they have to pretend to be boyfriends at his brothers wedding. Pretend. None of this is real. It's all just one big scheme to fool his mother into thinking he has a boyfriend. Luke, not for the first time in those two months, regrets those words ever leaving his mouth. Regrets every single decision that lead him here, on the floor, on top of Ashton, face flushed from kissing and hair dishelved . 

It's not real. It never will be real.

"Yeah, right, uh, good. That was good." Luke mutters as he gets off Ashton, hopping back to his feet and extending his hand to help Ashton up. 

When they're both on their feet again, Ashton smiles at him, all bright and happy and Luke's heart breaks a little. "We're going to smash it this weekend, Luke. No one's going to suspect a thing." 

Luke smiles back, albeit the fact that it's incredibly fake. "Yeah. No one's going to suspect a thing."

\--

At this point, with all the confusion and doubt that this situation have brought him, Luke doesn't think it's worth it for  getting his mother off his back for awhile. She calls him, a day for they leave to Luke's hometown, to tell him everything's been arranged at that everyone's really excited to meet Ashton and all Luke can do is make affirmative noises and hum every now and then. 

It's just, he's excited about seeing all of his family again, because that's really been awhile, and he's excited about the wedding and being one of Jack's groom s men,  but he's not so sure anymore about being excited that As hton's going to be there anymore.

At first, he was happy Ashton agreed to coming with him, because he loves having Ashton around,  not only because he's head over heels in love with him but also because he  always manages to make things a little less dull. But then Ashton started being more and more affectionate and then the kiss happened and Luke's not really sure of anything anymore.

Ashton confuses him, that's the point. Because he looks at Luke like Luke is his whole world, but he looks at everyone like that. And then he kisses Luke and it's one of the most perfect kisses Luke's ever received but then he reminds Luke that it's not  _real_  and it honestly just makes Luke feel like he's constantly on the edge. 

The touches and affection are a constant reminder of what he can't have, of something that's going to disap pear when the wedding's over and they're back home again because it won't be necessary anymore then.

So yeah, Luke's been kind of on the edge about the whole thing and it's making him feel itchy and weird because he doesn't know what to  _do_ , because every time he frowns Asht on will place a comforting hand on his shoulder and ask him what's wrong and if he locks himself in his room for longer than an hour Ashton will knock on his door to ask him if he's okay. That's just the kind of person Ashton is, worried, caring, always there. There's not escaping him, there's no time to _think _ and now the wedding weekend is there and they're supposed to leave in an hour and Luke has no idea how he's going to survive a whole weekend of Ashton pretending to be madly in love with him.

"Yo, Luke, you ready to go? I put my bags in the car already, you want me to put yours in there too or are you not done-" Ashton walks into Luke's bedroom, but stops dead in his tracks when he sees Luke anxiously pacing through the room. "Are you okay?" 

Luke stops walking, for the first time in fifteen minutes, and looks up to meet Ashton's eyes. "Honestly? No." 

Ashton frowns and takes a step closer, but doesn't reach out to Luke. Not yet, anyway. "What's wrong?"

Luke sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He wants to say a million things, wants to say how he's been in love with Ashton since day one, how this crush is getting spectacularly out of hand, how he feels like his heart is going to burst with all the mixed signals he's been feeling lately, how he can still feel the ghost of Ashton's lips on his, feel Ashton's hands on his shoulder when he closes his eyes. He doesn't say any of that though, instead he goes with "Just nervous about the weekend," and it's not even completely a lie because he _is  _nervous about this weekend.

Ashton apparently sees this as his invitation to pull Luke in for a hug, wrapping his arms around his waist and rubbing his back soothingly. "It's going to be fine, yeah? We're going to have fun. Just don't think abou t it, okay? Don’t stress about the whole boyfriend thing, we'll be fine. Your mum will probably be too busy with the wedding to even realize we're not actually dating, yeah? We'll just play it up a little in front of the family, it'll be fine. We'll be fine." 

The thing about Ashton is that he always, _always_  manages to say exactly the right things to calm Luke down. Because he's right, they'll be fine. They're just going to have fun and it'll be  _fine _ . Luke just has to pretend he's madly in love with Ashton for a few days, which, in all honesty, won't be that hard. It's all going to be okay. 

He finally lets himself melt into Ashton embrace, placing his hands on Ashton's waist and bur ying his head in the crook of his neck. "Thank you," he mutters, though he's not really sure why. For calming him down, maybe. For being his fake boyfriend even though he didn't have to. For being the most amazing  person in Luke's life without even realizing it.

Ashton seems to get it, though, squeezing Luke a little tighter before finally letting go. "Come on, let's go get your stuff in the car, yeah? I want to do one last check to see if we got everything before we leave." 

Luke nods and grabs his bag, while Ashton grabs his suitcase. "You do realize we're only going to be there for like, three days, right?" Ashton says as he looks at the huge suitcase Luke has packed.

Luke shrugs. "It's mostly presents. Plus my suit. Takes a surprising amount of space, that thing." 

Ashton hums affirmatively as he starts hoisting it to the hallway. "Shit, should I have gotten your brother a present? Like a wedding gift?"

"I wrote your name on the tag for mine, don't worry about it." Luke says with a shrug.

Ashton stops walking for a second and turns to look back at Luke, observing him for a moment, a look of what seems to be wonder on his face, like he can't quite believe Luke was so considerate, or like he hadn't quite realized yet that  of course  they'd be giving the same present, they were  _boyfriends _  now. The  look makes Luke a little bit uncomfortable and he quickly moves past Ashton, away from his piercing hazel eyes. "Come on, let's go, my mum will murder me if we're late for dinner."

\--

The six hour car ride to his hometown is one Luke has driven a lot of times already, especially during the Christmas or Summer holidays. It's always been a quite boring trip, through a rather boring environment and he's never quite liked the trip. 

This time, however, Ashton's with him, and Luke's pretty sure he's never liked being stuck in a car for six hours  _this much _ . 

Because Ashton insists on driving ("You're taking me to a wedding, you're giving me a place to sleep, the least I can do is drive us there." Luke doesn't remind him of the fact that the reason Luke even invited him in the first place is because he can't keep his stupid mouth shut.) and plays shitty pop songs on the radio while he loudly sings along, urging Luke to do the same. 

Halfway their very passionate rendition of 'I Want It That Way' by the Backstreet Boys Luke makes the mistake of glancing over to Ashton and he stumbles over his words a bit at the sight. Because Ashton is positively  _shining _ . His hair is pulled back in a bandana and he's wearing a pair of sunglasses and the sunlight hits his face in a way that it illuminates his dimples and he's still belting out the lyrics, even though half of it is just loud laughter and  _god_  Luke is so in love with him.

Ashton takes his eyes momentarily of the road to sing the final line of the song directly at Luke and burst out in laughter at the ridiculous faces he pulls. The next song comes on then and Luke manages to blow Ashton away by rapping along the entire first verse of 'Super Bass', previous thoughts long forgotten.

Being with Ashton, even just being friends with Ashton, is just so  _easy_. The time flies by and Luke's stomach is hurting from laughing so much by the time they arrive at his house. There's a s trange sinking feeling as he looks up to his childhood home and realizes that  _this is it_.  It's now or never. He can feel the nerves coursing through his veins, because even though he had been mostly worried about having Ashton so close,  having Ashton like _this _ for the past few weeks, now he's here he realizes he's also worried about his mother seeing right through him.

He's scared his mother is going to realize it's all fake and tut him for dragging Ashton into it and look at him all disap pointed because  _he lied to his mother_. She'll also probably pity him, because he can't find himself a significant other, no he has to lie about it and then get his roommate to pretend to be his lover and honestly it's actually just kind of pathetic.

Ashton must sense his nerves and unease because suddenly there's a hand on his and when he looks up he finds Ashton staring at him with a sincere look in his eyes. "We'll be fine, yeah? Don't sweat it. Just relax, okay? Just take a deep breath. You're not in this alone, I'm right next to you." 

Luke smiles weakly and takes a deep breath as Ashton squeezes his hand before getting out of the car, walking around it to open the door for Luke. He holds his hand out and cocks his eyebrow, waiting, and Luke takes it without hesitation. 

Because Ashton's right. He just needs to breath, it'll all be fine. 

He doesn't let go of Ashton's hand all the way to the front door.

\--

Luke's not really sure why he was even worried in the first place. The minute the door opened his mother had pulled him into a hug, talking about how much she had missed him and how glad she was he was there. When she had finally let go of him she turned to Ashton, smiling brightly, saying "So you must be Ashton," before pulling him into a hug too. 

Ashton let out a laugh and hugged her back. "Yes, I am. Nice to meet you Mrs. Hemmings.  I've heard a lot about you." 

"Oh please call me Liz." Luke's mother had said, shaking her head, before she turned to Luke. "Get your bags upstairs, yeah? You're sleeping in your old room because the guest room is already occupied by your aunt Hilda who flew in last minute. The rest of the family will be over in about an hour, so expect you two back downstairs by then, yeah?" 

Luke had nodded and kissed his mother on the cheek before leading Ashton inside. "Good to see you again, mum." 

"You too, love. Now, off you go, I have a lot of work to do before the others get here and you will only be in my way." She had shooed them off into the direction of the stairs and that's how they ended up where they are now, standing in the middle of Luke's childhood bedroom.

"Lovely woman, your  mother." Ashton noted as he placed the bags on the bed and curiously started to wander around Luke's room, while Luke silently prayed he hadn't left anything embarrassing laying around last time he was here. 

"Yeah, she is. Always on top of everything. Has to be, considering she used to live with the three messiest boys that have ever graced the planet." 

Ashton groans. "Oh god, I can't imagine dealing with three of you. I mean, I've seen the bathroom after you've showered. It surprises me every time how much water you actually manage to get on the floor." 

Luke laughs. "Years and years of practicing Ashton. It's a true art form, really." 

"You know if you're doing it for the art I'd rather you'd go into drawing, or something. Much less wet. Also a lot saver. I swear to god I almost slipped on one of your mini  swimming pools the other day." Ashton remarks as he picks up a plastic figurine that was standing on Luke's bookcase. "Ninja Turtles, nice." 

Luke flushes slightly at the sight of the toy. "Yeah, used to love them." 

Ashton looks up at him with a soft smile on his lips as he carefully places the figurine back on the bookcase. "Me too." 

A silence falls over them, while Ashton continuous to look through Luke's room and Luke eventually gives up on sort of awkwardly standing there and starts unpacking his suitcase. 

He starts stuffing his clothes in one of the empty drawers of the closet in the corner of the room. It's not really necessary, they'll only be here for three days, but Luke needs something to do, needs to keep his hands occupied because otherwise he will keep glancing at Ashton and thinking about how natural Ashton looks standing in his childhood bedroom, how well he fits into what's such a big part of who Luke is. 

"Luke?" Ashton eventually speaks up, after Luke has restacked his shirts for the third time. They make an incredibly neat stack inside his closet right now, neater than Luke's ever seen in his life. 

"Yeah?" He doesn't take his eyes away from the closet, just focuses on restacking his jeans again. 

"We need to, I just, can you come over here for a second?" Luke finally turns around to see Ashton sitting on the edge of the queen sized bed, fiddling with his hands.

He cocks an eyebrow. "What is it?" 

Ashton sighs, patting the spot next to him. "Just, just sit down, yeah?" 

Luke complies, walking over to the bed and plopping down next to Ashton, leaving a respectable distance between them. "What's wrong, Ash?"

Ashton shakes his head. "Nothing, not really, just, like, coming here and meeting your mother and seeing your bedroom and watching you unpack has made me realize that this is an actual thing we are doing? Like we are actually going to be here and act like we're a couple and I just, it sort of hit me how crazy all of it, really?" Ashton doesn't look up, instead focusing on his hands as he fiddles with the hem of his t-shirt.

"Shit, Ashton, I, don't you want to do this anymore? Because we can downstairs right now and-" 

"No!" Ashton interrupts him quickly, "No, no, not at all, I just, we haven't really discussed it, like, we haven't really talked about where our boundaries are and stuff like that. I just, I agreed to do this and we both went to it, but we never really, talked about it, you know? Like, how we're supposed to act in front of your family and stuff." 

Luke, immensely relieved that Ashton isn't actually backing out, since he has no idea what he would've done then, let's out a soft "Oh."

"Yeah. That. I just," Ashton turns to look him in the eye, for the first time he sat down on the bed and hesitantly scoots a bit closer. "I want to know if it's okay if I hold your hand," he says, reaching out to lace his fingers with Luke's, "To touch you," He places a hand on Luke's cheek, softly running his thumb over it, "To kiss you," This time he doesn't act immediately, just leans forward a bit and looks up at Luke like he's asking for permission. 

Luke, who has currently lost the ability to speak, just nods and leans forward to, so their lips press together in a soft kiss. 

Immediately Ashton untangles the hand that was holding Luke's and reaches up to place it on his other cheek so he can angle their mouths together better. Luke's hands shoot up to grab at Ashton's biceps as their kiss grows a little more frantic.

Even though this isn't the firs time they kissed, it still feels just as amazing. Luke experiments a little bit more this time, slightly more used to the feeling of Ashton's lips against. Tries out different things, to see if he can get Ashton to make those beautiful soft noises he heard last time. Ashton encourages him by pulling him even closer and allowing Luke to do whatever he wants and Luke can't believe that this is  _actually happening. _

Just when it's about to get slightly out of hand, Luke reaching for the hem of Ashton's t-shirt in attempt to pull it off because he needs  _more more more_, the door swings open with a loud bang and Ashton and Luke spring apart in shock.

It's none other than Luke's brother, Jack, leaning against the doorway with an amused look on his face. "Well, seems like you two were definitely enjoying yourself." He says, grinning brightly as he watches Luke's face flush bright red while he tries to fix his hair a bit. 

"What, what's happening, for god sake's Jack you're in the way, I can't  see  anything." A second voice complains from behind Jack and suddenly Ben appears next to Jack's shoulder. He observes the situation for a bit, watches the flushed faces of the boys on the bed and the  dishelved  clothes and hair and  burst out in laughter. "Little brother! Having fun, I see." 

Luke groans and buries his face in Ashton's shoulder. "Fuck off."

"Now, now, that's no way to threat your brothers." Jack says with a laugh.

Ashton can apparently sense Luke's discomfort because he curls an arm around his waist and pulls him a bit closer, taking the attention away from him by saying. "Hello. I am Ashton."

"Yes, mum already mentioned Luke would bring his boyfriend. Which I am assuming is you, since you had your tongue buried down my little bro's throat when I walked in earlier." Jack's joking, but there's a certain edge to his voice that tells a whole different story. Luke peeks from where he has his face buried in Ashton's shoulder and he can see Jack staring straight at Ashton, challenging, like he's saying 'Don't you dare hurt him I will chop your dick off and place it on top of the Eiffel tower .' 

Luke should've known, really, that his brothers were going to be all protective about him. They always have. It just hadn't occurred to him yet because he knows it's  _not real_. He knows what him and Ashton have isn't actually a thing and he had forgotten that his brothers didn't. His brothers think that this is a boy he's serious about, a boy he brings to his   _brothers wedding_ , a boy he might have his own wedding with one day. He feels the familiar feeling of guilt building up in his stomach.

In the mean time Jack's still glaring at Ashton, but Ashton doesn't seem to budge, staring straight back, chin up, even though the arm around Luke's waist does tighten a little, an indication for Luke that Ashton is indeed a slightly bit intimidated by the way Jack's looking at him.

"Did you two have a reason for barging in here unannounced or do you just do that for fun? Because Luke and I were kind of in the middle of something." Ashton eventually asks, slight teasing tone to his voice , and Jack stares at him for a very long before bursting out in laughter. 

"Oh my god, Ben, do you hear that? Kitty got claws!" He turns towards Ben, who up until then had just been sort of standing there while Ashton and Jack had there stare off, but now smiles, shaking his head. "I like you dude, I like you. You're good, you're going to fit in just fine." Jack gushes and Ben rolls his eyes before addressing both Luke and Ashton.

"Most of the family has started to arrive. Mum was wondering if you could come downstairs and greet them, keep them occupied while she does the finish ing  touches to the food and the stuff outside." 

"Yeah, okay, good, just, could you, could you just give us a minute?" Luke speaks, finally sitting straight back up to look at his brothers.

Jack immediately goes to open his mouth but Ben quickly grabs his arm and pushes him out of the door. "Of course, little bro. Don't be  _too_  long though, the guest are waiting." He throws in a wink and then the door is closed and it's just the two of them again.

"So," Ashton says, "That was an adventure."

Luke sighs. "I'm sorry. They can be a bit..." 

"I get it," Ashton says, before Luke has the time to find the right word, "I'm exactly the same with my little sister's boyfriends." He smiles softly at Luke and Luke can still see the light dusting of pink of his cheeks and his hair is still sticking in directions it doesn't normally stick in and he momentarily wonders if it would be okay for him to reach up and smooth them out, make Ashton look presentable again.

But before Luke has weighed the pros and cons of just reaching out and fixing Ashton's hair, Ashton does it himself, standing up and running his hands through his hair as he heads for the mirror in the corner of the room. "You still haven't answered my previous question though."

"Huh?"

Ashton turns around just as Luke stands up to join him, fixing his own appearance in the mirror. Next to the fact they just made out he's also been through a six hour car ride and he looks positively crumpled. He considers putting on a new shirt but that takes effort and finding a good shirt in his bag and he figures it's not worth it. He'll just explain his family it's been a long journey. It's only half a lie .

"The boundaries. How we're supposed to act in front of your family. What we were talking about before we got... distracted. " Ashton clarifies, slight blush back on his face.

Luke clears his throat, trying not to think about Ashton's hands on his face, Ashton's mouth on his, the feeling of Ashton's biceps under his own hands, just  _Ashton Ashton Ashton _ . "Right. Yeah. I guess, I guess kissing is okay? Just maybe. Not like. Not like that. Just, like, PDA?" 

Ashton nods. "Yeah. Okay. Keep is PG, got it." He looks up to Luke and smooth his shirt out one last time before extending his hand for Luke to grab. "Come on, lets go meet your family." 

\--

Ashton fits in immediately, which comes to no surprise to Luke at all. He easily mingles with his family, chats up Luke's aunts, talks sports with his uncles (Luke didn't even know Ashton  watched  sports) and jokes around with his grandparents. Luke  retreated to the corner of the room after introducing Ashton, letting him freely mingle without continuously  breathing down his neck and possibly making it weird. 

His five year old cousin Isabella has joined him and she's excitedly telling him about the trip to the zoo she took with her mother and her little brother the other day. Luke's only half listening, eyes still glued to Ashton and the way he gets along so easily with his grandfather, who's usually not a very talkative person. The only one who doesn't seem like he has completely warmed up to Ashton yet is his dad, who keeps watching Ashton closely from the corner of his eyes. 

Luke feels someone tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. When he looks up, it's Isabelle, and he suddenly realizes he hasn't been paying attention to a word she's said for the past ten minutes. "What's wrong, cuddlebug?" 

"The man with the curls, is he your boyfriend?" She asks him with big innocent eyes. 

"Yeah, yeah he is." Luke mumbles, refusing to look Isabelle in the eyes. He has pretty much lied about what Ashton is to him to every single person in this room when he introduced him as his boyfriend, but somehow lying to Isabelle is the worst. 

"He's pretty." Isabelle notes as she watches Ashton talk animatedly . 

Luke smiles, looking her straight in the eyes when he says, "Yeah, he is."

\--

Eventually  Luke's  mother announces dinner is ready and everyone files outside, where the barbeque is already set up. Luke plops down on an empty chair at the table while most of the family heads for the food table. He decides it's probably better if he waits until most of them have grabbed their food before he heads over there too. 

"Hey, you." Someone says and suddenly Ashton plops down next to him, leaning forward a bit to press a quick kiss to Luke's shoulder, "Haven't seen you in a bit."

Luke smiles at him. "Yeah, you seemed to be enjoying myself so I decided to distance myself a bit. Talked to Isabelle for awhile." 

Ashton frowns. "Tiny girl, blond pigtails?" Luke nods. Asht on smiles brightly and does a little fist pump. "I'm having such a hard time remembering all there names, there's so many people. Honestly, you should've warned me there were going to be this many." 

Luke huffs. "I didn't know that when my mom said 'Dinner with the family' she meant the  _entire_  family. I thought she just meant the five of us plus you and Ben's wife." 

"What about Jack's fiancée ? Celeste is her name, right?"

Luke  nods and  dismissively waves his hand around. "They're doing that whole 'you're not supposed to see each other the day before the wedding' thing. Plus it's nice for Jack to spend one last night with his family before he's getting hitched, you know?" 

Ashton hums and leans his head against Luke's shoulder. "You want to  go get food?" Luke looks up to see most of his family has left the food table and is already sitting down and eating and he nods. 

"Yeah, come on, you got to try some of my mom's Greek salad, it's amazing."  Luke tries to ignore the loss of warmth when Ashton lifts his head of Luke's shoulder. He forgets all about it when Ashton places a hand on the low of his back as they make their way through the garden towards the food table.

\--

Ashton, who seems incapable of sitting down for too long and who actually really seems to enjoy socializing with Luke's family, ends up helping Luke's dad at the barbeque. Luke's dad, who at first had seemed a bit wary of Ashton (and possibly his intentions) now animatedly talks to him while Ashton flips burgers and seems to demonstrate how to grill the perfect steak.

"He's not going to disappear if you stop staring at him for a second, you know." Jack says, as he sits down next to Luke and hands him a beer.

"What?"

Jack laughs. "Ashton. He's not going anywhere, you should try to focus on other people for a bit. I know aunt Petra has been dying to talk to you."

Luke rolls his eyes. "Aunt Petra continuously  tries to talk me into dating her next-door neighbor's daughter, so I think I'm just going avoid her as long as I possibly can." 

"You have a boyfriend now, though."

Luke raises an eyebrow. "You think that's going to stop her? You know how determent she is."

Jack laughs again. "Good point. " There's a silence as they both take a sip of their beer. In the distance, Ashton hands out a hamburger to one of Luke's little cousins. Ashton says something and the boy laughs and Luke can't help the fond smile that creeps on his face. 

"You are so smitten it is actually gross." Jack pipes up and Luke tears his eyes away from Ashton to glare at him. Jack laughs and ruffles his hair. "However, I'm glad for you, little bro. He seems like a good dude, he fits in really well. I can tell he's a keeper." 

Luke's eyes drift  to Ashton  again , who's gone back to  having a conversation  with Luke's father and mumbles, "Yeah."

Because that is the thing. Ashton fits in so well and he gets along great with all of Luke's family members and he makes Luke feel all warm and fuzzy inside and it is actually perfect, it's all he's ever wanted. 

Except it's not real.

"You okay, Luke? You look a bit down." Jack asks, and Luke can hear the worry in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just..." For a moment he contemplates just telling Jack. Telling him what is happening and that it's not real but that he so badly wants it to be and that he doesn't know what to do.  But the words get stuck in his throat and he can't,  _he can't_ , so instead he goes with, "Aren't you nervous? For tomorrow?"

Jack stares at him for awhile, like he can sense that there is something else, but apparently decides to let it drop. "Of course not." 

Luke raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean, of course not? It's your wedding day shouldn’t you at least be a little bit nervous?"

Jack shrugs. "It's Celeste. She makes me feel at home, you know? Safe. I don't have to worry about anything, because no matter what happens tomorrow, she'll love me and I'll love her." 

Luke looks at Jack, at the relaxed look on his face, how his eyes show no fear at all and Luke realizes he wants that. He wants someone who makes him feel at home, who makes him feel safe, someone who will always love him, no matter what.

Most of all he wants Ashton to be that person. But that's never going to happen, ever. Luke quickly takes a sip of his beer and tries to ignore the thoughts swirling through his brain, instead turning towards Jack again. "I'm happy for you." 

Jack ruffles his hair. "Don't get sappy on me yet, little bro. Safe it for tomorrow, yeah?" And then he's off to the food table to mingle with the rest of their family.

\--

Eventually it starts getting dark and most of the food is gone and everyone starts leaving, heading back to houses and hotels, to get ready for the big day tomorrow. Ben and his wife head to bed too, just as Luke's parents and Jack until only him and Ashton are left in the dimly lit kitchen of the  Hemmings  household.

"You had fun?" Luke asks, as he rummages through the cabinets of the kitchen in search of the cocoa powder. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. Your family is fun. Barbequing is fun. It was fun." Ashton's sitting at the breakfast bar, dopey smile on his face and it's clear to Luke he hasn't been drinking soda . Now he thinks about it, he doesn't think he saw Ashton without a beer in his hand for one moment. Luke momentarily wonders if there was a reason for that, if Ashton was nervous, but he shakes it off. The more logical explanation is the fact that Luke's family has the tendency of handing out drinks to anyone who's glass is empty. Luke is used to it, often keeps a little bit of his drink in the bottom of his glass so people won't bother him, but Ashton's not used to Luke's family, so he must've drunken a lot more than he usually would.

Luke turns back to the stove and puts on a pot with milk. "My family seems to like you." 

"They're nice. I like your family. Your dad is cool. His barbeque is cool also. Did you know I'm really good at grilling steak? Maybe I should do something with that. Do you reckon I could become a professional steak griller?" 

Luke has a hard time trying to hide his amused smile as he stirs the cocoa powder in the milk. "Well, I don't think professional steak grill er is a job, but you could become a chef?"

Ashton seems to consider this for a second. "Would that mean I would have to leave you? Would I have to move out of the apartment?" 

"No, I you can keep living in the apartment. You can totally become a chef at a restaurant near by." Luke pours the hot chocolate in two mugs and sprays a bit of whipped cream on it. He decorates it with a little bit of cinnamon and mini marshmallows and proudly smiles at his work, before carrying them over to Ashton.

And Ashton, oh  _god _ Ashton. He looks so good sitting in Luke's kitchen, droopy eyed and yawning, hair a mess and cheeks slightly flushed . He's leaning on one of his hands and draws patterns on the wooden breakfast bar with the other, and Luke's seen him like this a million time, after nights out where they fell into their little kitchen in their apartment at home and Ashton demanded Luke made him hot chocolate while he waits at the table, always looks flushed and tired but happy, but it's so,  _so _ different seeing it in the kitchen of his childhood home. 

This is the place he spend a good part of his life, a place he grew up in. He sat at the exact same spot Ashton's sitting right now when he was seven years old and he had just gotten from school and he would tell his mother about his day while she was cooking dinner. He sat in that spot when he was sixteen and drowning in homework, frowning down at his geography assignment and asking his brothers to help him (they always did, no matt er how reluctant they pretended to be). He sat in that spot when he was eighteen and opened the letter to one of the universities  he applied to with shaking hands, praying it was a yes (it was).

And now Ashton's here and he fits seemingly into it, like he was always there, like Luke has known him for his whole life. He sits at the breakfast table like they do this all the time, making hot chocolate while slightly intoxicated at 1am. He sits at the breakfast table like he's always been part of Luke's life and will always be a part of Luke's life and look has to look away and focus on placing the mugs of hot chocolate on the table before he opens his mouth and says something stupid. 

Ashton smiles as Luke slides one of the mugs his way, mumbling a 'thanks', before poking at the mini  marshmallows  with his spoon. Luke sits down next to him and scoops his own up with his spoon before popping them into his mouth. 

"Wouldn't want to." Ashton suddenly mutters and Luke sends him a confused look. 

"What?" 

Ashton looks up to him, all sincere hazel eyes and says, "Wouldn't want to leave you. Wouldn't want to leave the ap artment. Would miss you too much." 

Luke, a bit flustered from Ashton's words, quickly takes a sip of his hot chocolate, momentarily forgetting it's still boiling hot. "Oh, fuck, shit, that's hot, oh fuck." Luke splutters as he quickly places the mug down on the table, ignoring Ashton giggling at him.

"You excited for tomorrow?" Luke asks, purely to change the subject, before he says something like 'I would miss you too, please don't  _ever _ leave me' because he doesn’t think Ashton will ever understand the true  meaning behind those words. 

Ashton nods excitedly. "Hell yeah! It's going to be so much fun." He leans forward to bite at Luke's shoulder and Luke laughingly swats him away. "You?" 

"Of course I'm excited, my brother is getting married." Luke doesn't add to that that his stomach is doing flips at the idea of Ashton pretending to be his boyfriend all day. The thought of having Ashton next to him, with him for the entire day and being allowed to touch him and kiss him and  _be_ with him is exciting and terrifying at the same time. 

Terrifying, because he knows it will hurt even more later, when they're back home and he's no longer allowed to call Ashton his, after getting a taste of what it's like to be able to do that. 

Ashton grins at him, blissfully unaware of Luke's storming thoughts, little bit of whipped  cream on his nose and Luke once again curses the universe for making Ashton Irwin the cutest human being on the planet.

When they finish their hot chocolate's, they head upstairs, Ashton softly giggling the whole way there and fall in bed together, immediately curling around each other like they do all the time at home.

It takes Luke another hour to properly fall asleep, Ashton softly snoring in his arms. 

\--

When Luke wakes up the next morning, the bed is empty. He glances at the clock and sees it's 11am, and he can hear the sounds of people rummaging through the house, getting ready for the big day. Luke groans and gets out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that might actually be Ashton's, before he shuffles out of the room and down the stairs.

Upon entering the kitchen he finds Ashton sitting at the breakfast table, also dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, talking to his mother, who seems to be preparing lunch. Ashton turns around immediately when hears Luke enter and smiles softly at him, "Morning Luke," He says, reaching his arm out to pull Luke into some sort of side hug. 

Luke immediately melts into it, loosely wrapping his arms around Ashton's shoulders and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Morning babe," he mumbles and flushes a bit when Ashton looks up to him with a raised eyebrow. Luke didn't mean to say it, it just spilled out, but before he can apologize his mother turns around and smiles at them.

"Ah, good, you're awake. You and Ben have to be at the church at 2pm, since you're the groomsmen and have to lead everyone to their place. Your dad and I will arrive later with Ashton and my parents, okay?" Luke nods, suppressing he urge to roll his eyes because his mother has been reminding him of this ever since Jack announced Luke would be one of his groomsmen. Luke's mother is apparently satisfied with his reply because she turns back to the stove and Luke focuses attention back on Ashton.

"You okay with going there with my parents? You can come with me too, but I'd reckon it'd be a bit boring for you and I don't want you to feel-" 

Ashton interrupts him with a laugh. "Luke. Honestly. Like I've said before, it's fine. I'll go there with your parents, it's no big deal." 

Luke hums and leans his head on Ashton's, reveling in the fact that this is A Thing he is allowed to do, as Ashton's arm tightens a bit around his waist. Luke turns towards his mother, who is still standing by the stove, and takes in the beautiful smells that are coming from the kitchen. "So, mum, what's for lunch? "

\--

After lunch Luke and Ashton head back upstairs to get ready , even though Ashton doesn't have to leave for another two hours. Which means he just sits on the bed while Luke runs through the room, trying to collect all the pieces of his suit, feeling the nerves course through his body as he's pulling it on.

Part of those nerves are for the fact that he's a groomsman at this wedding. When Ben got married he was too young to be a groomsman, not yet of legal age, but now he is and this is happening and Jack is getting  _married_.  It's mostly excited nerves, really.

But the other part of him is nervous about the fact that his entire family is going to be there, plus Celeste's family, plus family and friends, and they're all going to think Ashton is his boyfriend. He's going to introduce Ashton as his boyfriend. And even though that's something he had been doing all day yesterday, this feels different. It feels like yesterday, with Luke's family there was the rehearsal and this is the Real Deal. 

Just as he's about to combust from nerves and thoughts and  _ everything _ , he feels a hand on his arm. Ashton's standing in front of him, hand on Luke's arm, looking at Luke with soft smile but a hint of concern in his eyes. "Relax, Lukey. It's going to be awesome." 

Luke looks at him and it's like suddenly all those thoughts and nerves disappear and it's only Ashton and him and their soft breathing and it's  fine.  Most of the time he hates that Ashton can do that to him, calm him down with just a hand on his arm and a smile on his face, but right now he's grateful. He takes a deep breath. "Yeah. Sorry. Just, nervous." 

Ashton smiles. "I get it. But you'll rock it, okay? I want to bet you will be the best groomsman that church has ever seen. No-one will ever compare." 

Luke laughs, as Ashton reaches for the still untied bowtie that is hanging around his neck. Luke wants to swat him away, tell him he can do it himself, he  _knows_   how to tie a bowtie, god damnit, practiced it for weeks before his senior prom, but he finds there's something surprisingly soothing about Ashton's fingers working the soft fabric of the tie, easily forming it into a bowtie and patting Luke's chest when he's done. "There, all ready."

Spreading his arms, Luke sends Ashton a hesitant smile. "How do I look?"

Ashton smiles and places a hand on Luke's back, guiding him towards the mirror. "Why don't you see for yourself?" 

And yeah, he looks good. The suit fits him nicely,  his hair is styled in a perfect  quiff  and he looks neat, wedding appropriate. Ashton's peaking over his shoulder, eyes sparkling and Luke can't help but smile at him. "You look good, Luke, honestly." Ashton breaks eyes contact as he turns away from the mirror and heads towards the bed and grabs something from Luke's suitcase. 

"Don't forget this," he says, walking back over to Luke, holding up the small wedding corsage his mother had given to him the day before. Ashton pins it the white lily to Luke's suit and smiles. "There. Now you're officially all done." 

Luke takes a deep breath. "With all these nerves you'd almost say this was my own wedding." 

Ashton laughs. "Oh man, I can't wait to see you on your actual wedding day. You'd be a mess." 

Luke almost says 'Thank god you're not supposed to see each other before the ceremony' but he manages to bite his tongue on the last second.He's not sure if he's allowed to joke about this yet, or how much of it would actually be a joke to him. Instead, he settles on "I will probably cry." And checks if he has everything before he heads towards the door. "Come on, lets head back downstairs."

Ashton follow him back down the stairs and into the living room, where Ben is already standing, ready to go. Jack already left to the church earlier that morning, making sure everything runs smoothly. His mother fusses over him for a bit, straightens his bowtie and tells him how handsome he looks and takes a few pictures before they're hurried out the door. 

Luke barely gets the chance to say goodbye to Ashton, only presses a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth before he gets dragged out the door, into the car and off to the church. 

When the car drives off, he can takes one look back, slightly worried about leaving Ashton with his parents. It's not that he doesn't think Ashton can handle it, because he's sure Ashton will be fine, he's just a bit scared about his parents unintentionally embarrassing him by showing Ashton his baby pictures or something. 

Ben shakes him from his thought by poking his shoulder. "You excited, little bro?" 

Luke nods. "Of course! You?" 

Ben smiles. "Hell yeah. The last time I had a wedding it was my own. Plus I'm hoping Jack will cry so I can make fun of him till eternity." 

"Like he did with you when you cried at your wedding?" Luke asks, all innocently, and Ben frowns at him.

"Wedding are emotional, okay. Wait till you get married, you will cry your fucking eyeballs out. I know you, Luke, you're a fucking sap." 

Now it's Luke's turn to frown. "Shut up. I'm not." 

Ben rolls his eyes. "Oh, please. The minute Ashton walks down that aisle you will be a sobbing mess, I just know it."

Luke freezes in his seat and Ben turns his eyes away from the road to look at him when he get's not response. "What? What's wrong little bro?" 

Shaking his head, Luke responds. "Nothing. I just. You said Ashton." 

"Oh," Ben says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I just, I've seen the way you look at each other, you know? It's just, you both might not realize it yet, but I think you're in this for the long run. When people look at each other like  _th_ _at_ , that doesn't happen often, so I just... Sorry if I assumed wrongly." 

"No, it's okay. I just, I hadn't though about it yet." That is a lie. Luke  has  though about it, about marrying Ashton and growing old with Ashton and raising kids with Ashton and loving Ashton for all his life, event though he knows it will never happen. What catches him off guard though, is that apparently Ben sees something Luke never saw. He sees something in the way they  _look_  at each other. Not the way they talk to each other or act with each other, no, Ben apparently saw something in both of their eyes that made him go 'Yeah they love each other' and that  _scares_  Luke.

Because even though for Ashton it's obviously fake, he wonders if Ashton ever noticed the way Luke looks at him. He wonders if Ashton has ever realized that apparently Luke looks at him like he's his entire world. 

"We're here." Ben says, pulling the car up to a parking spot right next to the church. "Come one, let's do this shit."

\--

After that it's a flurry of getting ready and waiting for the guests arrive. And when they do, it's bringing guests to their place, making small talk and smiling and laughing. It's good, takes Luke's mind of things for awhile. 

But then Ashton arrives.

Which is like,  _of course_   he does. That's why he's here for in the first place, to accompany Luke to the wedding. The problem is, that Ashton is wearing a  _suit_. And it looks really,  _ really _  good on him. 

Like, Luke and Ashton have been living together for about a year now and Luke has seen Ashton in various outfits already. He's seen Ashton in his normal every day clothes, most of the time a t-shirt and a skinny jeans, maybe a beanie or a jacket. He has seen Ashton in his pajama's, a simple pair of boxers and a t-shirt. He has seen Ashton in sweat pants and a sweatshirt, curled up on the couch late at night. Has seen Ashton leave the bathroom with only a towel slung around his waist.

But nothing,  _nothing _  will ever compare to Ashton in a suit, hair slightly pushed back, smiling as he's talking to Luke's mother. It's just, it's a  _really_ nice suit and it fit's him  _really _  well. It's dark blue and follows the lines of Ashton's body and Luke just wants to get his hands on him. 

Ben gets to their parents before Luke can, and leads them to their place. They pass Luke on their way to their seats and Luke's parents wave at him, excited smiles on their faces. Ashton and Luke lock eyes  and Luke mouths 'you look good!', causing Ashton to smile.

The ceremony itself doesn't last long and before they know it they're ushered out of the church again and make their way to the reception hall. Luke manages to get in a car with Ashton and his parents and Ashton leans his head on Luke's shoulder as they drive off. 

"You did great." Ashton mumbles, so Luke's parents can't hear. Luke's pretty sure his parents wouldn't have heard him if he had shouted it, too busy with discussion the wedding, his mother wiping the last few tears from her eyes.

"Thanks. How did it go with my parents?" Luke mumbles back.

Ashton lifts his head off Luke's shoulder to look at him with sparkling eyes. "You were a really cute baby."

Luke groans and lets his head fall back against the headrest. "I am going to murder them." 

"Don't," Ashton says with a laugh, "they promised to show me your childhood drawings next time." 

' _Next time_ '  Luke doesn't remind Ashton that there's probably not going to be a next time. This way he can pretend himself too that there might be. It's easier than admitting that the warmth of Ashton's body pressed against his as they giggle with each other in the back of Luke's parents car isn't going to be a permanent thing, something that can happen again.

"Hey, my childhood drawings are actually really good, you know. I used to be a tiny Picasso." 

Ashton raises an eyebrow. "Remember the eggplant you drew on our shopping list the other week." 

Luke pouts. "That was meant to be a cow." 

Ashton laughs. "My point exactly." He leans his head back on Luke's shoulder, "It was a cute eggplant, though." 

Luke huffs.  " _Cow_."  But there's no real heat behind the word, not when Ashton's rubbing his cheek against the fabric of Luke's suit, mumbling 'Oh, soft!' and pulling the cutest face Luke's ever seen.

Honestly, what did Luke ever do to deserve this.

\--

The reception venue is  _huge_. They have dinner first, Ashton and Luke placed at a table with Ben and his wife  and some of Celeste's siblings and their spouses. It's fun, with good food and chatting, but at the end of it all Luke is getting antsy because, well, because Ashton's being his  _boyfriend _ .

As in, Ashton pulls out his chair when they go to sit down and places his hand over Luke's on the table while they're waiting for their food. Ashton feeds Luke a piece of his fish when Luke curiously inquires if it taste's good. Ashton smiles at him and tells the other people at the table stories of their adventures together.

And he's not lying a single one of them. He's telling them about the time they went to McDonalds and Luke accidentally snorted vanilla milkshake up his nose and about the time their toaster broke and set their toast on fire, causing a very panicky situation in which Luke ended up burning one of Ashton's eyebrows off. 

And it's like, all of those things happened. But it's like, it's the way Ashton tells them that makes them incredibly couple-y . It's not that he overuses the word 'boyfriend' or 'lover', actually, Luke's pretty sure he doesn't use any of those words of all. No, it's in the way he pronounces Luke's name, the way he talks about the things they've done together that makes it sounds so  _real_ _._  

So yeah, by the end of dinner, Luke is about ready to run out of the room and get home and dive under the covers and never emerge again, because it's a hard time to just act like nothing is wrong when he knows how fond his name can sound rolling off Ashton's tongue. 

It's time for dancing then, even though it takes a few beers for everyone to really get into it. Ashton and Luke circle the room for awhile, occasionally talking to some of Luke's family members, and Ashton's hand doesn't leave Luke's waist for the entire time. Luke's pretty sure he has the feeling of Ashton's hand on his waist burned into his skin by this point.

Luke eventually leaves to go to the bathroom (and to escape Ashton's warm hands for a second, before he does stupid things, like declare his everlasting love for the boy) and when he gets back it takes him awhile to find Ashton again.

When he does, Ashton has his back turned to him and is talking to Luke's grandmother. Luke goes to sneak up at him, possibly to scare him a little, but something Ashton says makes him stop dead in his tracks. 

"It was really easy to fall in love with Luke, it's just, you know him, he's a wonderful human being. I think everyone who meets him falls a little bit in love with him." Ashton voice sounds soft, loving, and once again there's a certain edge to the way he says Luke's name that makes his heart ache.

His words though, his words are what hit Luke the most. In all the time they've been there, the entire day, the entire weekend, not once has either of them said anything about love, at least not so blatantly as this. 

Luke's grandmother nods. "Luke is a lovely boy. I'm glad he has found someone as nice as you. I trust you to take good care of him." 

Ashton still has his back turned to him, so Luke can't see his  face, but he can almost picture the soft smile on it as Ashton  says, "Don't worry, I will. Luke is my everything." 

Luke decides it's time to step in before Ashton says another word and that will make Luke fall even more and more in love with him. He wraps his arms around Ashton's waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder and Ashton lets out a squeak before he sees who it is and visibly relaxes, leaning back into Luke's embrace. "You guys talking about me?" 

Ashton laughs and presses his cheek against Luke's head. "Always." 

Luke's grandmother smiles at them. "I will leave you two lovebirds alone for a bit. Was nice talking to you, Ashton. I will see you around." 

The minute Luke's grandmother leaves Ashton turns around to face Luke, Luke's arms still wrapped around his waist. He smiles up at Luke through his lashes and Luke has to take a deep breath when he realizes how close they are right now.

Even though they haven't stopped touching each other all night, this is the first time they've actually been  _this _ close, chests pressed together, Luke being able to count Ashton's eyelashes if he wanted. 

There's something quiet and intimate about it, even though around them the wedding guests are still talking and dancing and having fun. It feels like it's just the two of them there, staring in each other's minds as Ashton's words echo through the back of Luke's head. 

_ 'Luke is my everything, Luke is my everything, Luke is my everything.' _

"You having fun?" Ashton whispers, and even though it's not quiet in the room around them, Luke picks up on the words without a problem, like his ears have some sort of specific Asht on radar that pick up on every word that leave the boy's mouth. Or it's because they're standing so close together right now, that seems like a more logical explanation.

Luke nods. "Yeah, you?" It feels like they're moving closer to each other, inch by inch, almost unnoticeable, like they have some gravitational  pull towards each other. 

Ashton doesn't say a word, just hums, and closes the distance between them.

Ashton tastes like the strawberries they had for desert and also a bit like alcohol and it should be a bad combination but it's actually really not. 

This kiss is a lot less frantic like the first two, like they have kind of gotten used to kissing each other so there's more time left now to take it slow, to explore. It amazes Luke how every time it kisses Ashton it manages to feel like a whole different thing and at the same time it feels oh so fami l iar , like coming home. 

Way too soon they're pulled from the kiss by Luke's mother, who yells "Please boys, keep it PG!" at them as she passes. Her  words are probably meant to be stern but Luke pulls away from Ashton just in time to see the twinkle in his mother's eyes. 

Luke presses his forehead against Ashton's and laughs, a breathless sound that is soon joined by Ashton's own giggles, while they stand their wrapped in each other's arms, just taking a moment. 

Eventually Ashton takes a step back and Luke lets his arms drop at his side. "Want to dance?" Ashton asks, with sparkling eyes as he extends his hand toward Luke. 

Luke nods eagerly, anything to spend more time with Ashton, to be closer to Ashton, and takes his hand, enth usiastically  following him to the dancefloor.

\--

They dance for a really long time, only taking breaks occasionally to catch their breath and get a drink, and Luke's pretty sure he hasn't had that much fun in a really long time. There's something incredibly liberating about dancing with Ashton, because neither of them are particularly good at it and they probably look like huge idiots, but Luke can't find himself to care. Not when Ashton looks at him like that, eyes shining and mouth permanently curled into a smile, slightly sweaty curls sticking to his forehead. 

Dancing is also nice because it keeps them away from nosy family members who ask Luke questions about his future and about what he wants to with his life and all those other things he really doesn’t want to talk about, not when he's at a wedding and having fun with Ashton.

Eventually the guests start leaving, one by one, until most of what's left is Luke's close family and some of Jack's drunken college friends. The music has been slowing down a lot, until the DJ  finally announces that this will be the last song and the intro tune to 'Thinking Out Loud' starts playing.

Ashton glances up to Luke, eyebrow quir ked in a silent question and Luke gets it, stepping forward a little and grabbing Ashton's waist to pull him closer. Ashton circles his arms around Luke's neck and places his head on Luke's shoulder as they sway together to the music.

And if Luke thought the kiss earlier was intimate, well, he was wrong. Because this, this casual slow dancing is one of the most loving intimate things Luke has ever done in his entire life. Ashton's breath ghosts over the  fabric of his suit, slightly tickling his neck and Ashton's hands are gripping his shoulders. Luke can feel the soft fabric of Ashton's suit under his fingers, feels the curve of Ashton's hips as they slowly move back and forth. 

Luke's nose gets buried in Ashton's hair when he turns a little and it smell like boy and happiness and home. "Had fun today." Luke mumbles and he can feel Ashton hum against his shoulder.

"Yeah, time to go home though. 'M sleepy." 

"Me too," Luke mutters, but neither of them lets go yet, not until the song is fully over and the room has gotten dead quiet, beside the sounds of the lasts guests leaving. They pull away and Luke immediately misses Ashton's warmth, but Ashton pressing himself against Luke as they head towards the exit, where his parents are already waiting for them, makes it so he can't complain too much.

They file into the car and Luke's mother rambles  about how great the day was and how proud she is of her boys and Luke's dad hums and adds his own comments every now and them while Ashton curls into Luke's side, Luke's arm slung around his shoulders.

Luke presses an absentminded kiss to Ashton's hair as Ashton seems to doze off and Luke's father catches Luke's eye in the rearview mirror and smiles warmly at him.

When they get home Luke almost doesn't have the heart to wake a sleeping Ashton but he can't lift him, not when he's feeling so dead on his feet himself and he refuses to leave Ashton in the car so he eventually opts for softly shaking him awake and leading a bleary eye Ashton out of the car.

They stumble up the stairs after saying goodnight to Luke's parents, clinging to each other and  tripping over their feet, crashing on Luke's bed in a heap of limbs. They lay there for awhile, staring at each other and Ashton giggles as he presses a kiss to Luke's nose before he gets of the bed. "Come on, lets get our kit off so we can sleep."

Luke whines, but gets off the bed and starts stripping down to his underwear, neatly folding his suit and placing it back in his suitcase. Ashton does the same and before they know it they're crawling under the covers, immediately reaching for each other as they get settled under the sheets.

They're facing each other, legs tangled together and noses only inches apart and Luke feels a sort of warm, fond  feeling in his heart as he looks at Ashton's sleepy state. His eyes are drooping but he's smiling softly at Luke and his hand reaches for Luke's cheek, slowly running his thumb over it. It's such a simple gesture, nothing special, but Luke's heart feels like it's going to explode.

"We totally fooled them." Ashton whispers, and oh.

_ Oh. _

Luke almost feels embarrassed when he realizes that he had completely forgotten the fact that this was all in fact very much  _fake _ . Ashton was his  _fake boyfriend_. Nothing of what they did tonight, what they said tonight, was actually   _real_ ,  at least not on Ashton's part. Luke suddenly feels like he's going to be sick .

Because for a moment, a long blissfu l moment Luke completely forgot that Ashton wasn't really his. Because Ashton was there, Ashton was smiling at Luke and touching Luke and  _ kissing _  Luke. And it felt so real, it all felt so real. So real that during the night Luke completely forgot that it was going to end. Tomorrow they'd be going back home and they'd be going back to the way they were before the wedding, before Luke asked Ashton to be his fake boyfriend.

They'll be friends again, because that's all they will ever be. Ashton might kiss Luke and touch him and hold him now, in the end it's all an act an they will go home and Ashton will find himself someone else and Ashton will be happy with someone else and Luke is going to be left behind with a shattered heart and the bitter taste of knowing what it's like to have something that he can never have.

He feels like crying. He feels like crying and screaming and cursing the universe for not being fair, but Ashton's still looking expectantly at him, with his big innocent hazel eyes and Luke takes a deep breath and pulls himself together. "Yeah, totally fooled them." 

The sentence leaves a bad taste in his mouth but Ashton hums happily and closes his eyes. "Goodnight  Lukey ." 

"Goodnight, Ash." 

Once again Luke lies awake until long after Ashton has fallen asleep.

\--

When Luke wakes up the next morning he wryly thinks how ironic it is that the bed is empty. It's like a weird metaphor for his heart. Once occupied by Ashton, but now empty and cold. He lies in bed for awhile, wallowing in self pity, until he realizes he's being absolutely pathetic and gets out of bed. 

He can see Ashton's bags already packed in the corner of the room and it's a grim reminder of the fact that they're going home today. Their little performance is over, the wedding is in the past and in a few hours it will all be over. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's time for Luke to finally just man the fuck up and start working on getting over Ashton.

But he knows that the only way of getting over Ashton would be to move out of their ap artment and move to Antarctica or some other very distant abandoned place and he knows that's never going to happy. One because he does not actually have the money and two, because he would never  ever  be able to leave Ashton. Ashton has a gravitational pull on him and no matter how far he strays, his heart will always lead him back to Ashton. It's almost pathetic, how dependent he is on Ashton.

Walking into the kitchen he finds the same scene as yesterday; his mother cooking at the stove and Ashton sitting at the breakfast table, making small talk and sipping on what seems to be coffee.  Just like yesterday, he hears Luke walk in and turns around, saying "Morning Luke," as he reaches his arm out to pull Luke into another side hug. 

Luke however, looks at the arm, and sees the lies he's been telling himself the past days, lies about that Ashton is his, that Ashton can love him, that Ashton and he are meant to be. So instead of mindlessly walking into it, like he would've done before, he ignores the outstre t ched  arm and heads for the fridge, pulling a carton of milk from the fridge and taking a sip, mostly to ignore the thoughts that are swirling through his brain, to ignore the confused, slightly hurt look on Ashton's face as Luke walks straight past him.

"Lucas Robert  Hemmings  that is  _ not _  how I raised you." His mother scolds as she turns around to face her son. 

Luke mutters a "Sorry," and goes to grab a glass, pouring a generous amount in before leaning against the counter and glancing at his mother's cooking. He ignores the empty seat next to Ashton or the questioning look As h t on sends him and most of all, i gn ores  the sinking feeling in his chest as he asks his mother "So, mum, what's for lunch?" 

\--

The car ride back home is weird. There's nothing of the excited happiness from the previous journey. The car radio is stilling playing shitty pop music but Luke doesn't feel like singing along, doesn't feel like acting like nothing is wrong because something _is _ wrong.

Like, Ashton can't help it, of course he can't, but Luke just, Luke needs to direct his anger about his shattered heart  _somewhere _  and Ashton just seems like the obvious choice. So the entire ride back to their apartment Luke stares out the window and ignores Ashton's eyes that burn holes in the side of his head.

They only speak once, when Ashton asks, "You okay,  Lukey ?" and Luke responds with a shaky  voice, "Yeah, just hung over." 

The worst part is, he tries  _so hard_  to be mad at Ashton. He tries so hard to channel all his heartbreak, his anger about his  own  stupidness and recklessness into hating Ashton but he just  _can't_.  He can never be mad at Ashton, especially not for something petty as not loving Luke the way Luke loves Ashton. 

Ashton's done nothing wrong, Ashton just helped out a friend by pretending to be their boyfriend, no idea he was ripping Luke's heart apart in the process. He hasn't even, he hasn't even done a specifically cruel thing to Luke, just told him "We totally fooled them" and that's all it took for Luke's heart to be shattered.

It's just so  _frustrating _  because looking back on it this whole thing was just Luke setting himself up for his own heartbreak. Luke knew from the beginning that this was going to hurt when it was all over, he just never expected it to hurt  _ this much _ . He just thought, hoped, that maybe something would change. Deep, deep down he hoped that Ashton would realize how great Luke was and how amazing he was as a boyfriend and that maybe,  _maybe _  Ashton would realize Luke was all he needed, that he wanted Luke to be his boyfriend always.

Because the worst part of it all is that it's a confirmation for the fact that no matter  what  Luke does, Ashton will  _ never _  love  him. Ashton will  _ always _  see him as just a friend and there is nothing,  _nothing _ Luke can do to change his mind. Luke's forever stuck loving a boy that will never love him back.

When they finally get back to the apartment Luke heads up the stairs without another word, locks his bedroom door and bur ies himself in his blankets, almost breaking down when he realizes one of the pillows still smells like Ashton. In a fit of ridiculous rage he throws it across the room, where it flops against his closet and lands on the floor with a soft ' floomp '. 

It takes him hours to fall asleep and somewhere during that time he can hear Ashton softly knock on his door and whisper "Luke? Are you still awake?" But Luke pretends to be asleep and wills back the tears that are forming in his eyes.

\--

The next morning Luke decides he is done with the pathetic self wallowing thing he head going on the day before. It's time for a change. It's time to get over Ashton and start moving on and it all starts with not letting Ashton come too close to him again. Because if he does, if he lets Ashton hug him and touch him he will start lying to himself again, will let himself believe that maybe,  _maybe_  he has a chance after all and he can't do that, not again.

So when he walks into the kit chen and finds Ashton already making pancakes he simply wishes him a good morning and heads to the living room as soon as he has his coffee ready and a few pancakes on a plate , instead of sitting down at the kitchen table like he normally does, like _they_  normally do. 

Ashton pokes his head around the kitchen door and raises an eyebrow in Luke's direction, obviously confused by Luke's current breakfast position. "You're not going to join me at the table?" 

Luke shakes his head. "No. Couch is comfortable." It's a shitty excuse, not even really an excuse at all, but Ashton's apparently content with it, because he smiles.

"You've got a point. Give me a second, I'll join you." 

And well, okay, that's not, that's  _not_  what Luke wanted. Luke wanted to make clear to Ashton that they were no longer going to act all couple-y by breaking one of their traditions, but it seems to have backfired on him because when Ashton s its down on the couch he immediately places his feet in Luke's lap and switches the channel to some cooking show Luke really doesn't care about.

The thing is, now they're  touching even  _more_  t han they usually do during breakfast. Luke's not really sure what's worse: Ashton smiling at him from the other side of the table while they eat their breakfast, or Ashton sitting on the couch, feet in Luke's lap, occasionally wiggling them around as he yells at the TV.

Luke miserably takes a bite from his pancake as he realizes that it probably doesn’t matter what Ashton does or where they are, Luke will always be in love with him. That doesn't mean he's not going to try to get Ashton out of his mind though. It's just going to take a lot more than he initially  thought.

\--

The most difficult part of trying to distance himself from Ashton is the fact that his body is so used to Ashton, it almost automatically reacts to him. When Ashton wraps him in a hug, Luke's first response is to hug back. When Ashton places a hand on his back, his first reaction is lean it to it. Luke hates himself for it, but he also hates the fact that it's just so _easy_ to give in to it.

On top of that, Ashton's affections towards Luke have not changed at all since they came back from the wedding. They've always been affectionate towards each other, and this increased in the weeks leading up to the wedding plus the wedding self, but Luke had hoped that after that they would go back to at least a little less touching.

But no, Ashton still wraps his arms around Luke's waist and presses a kiss to his shoulder when he walks into the kitchen in the morning and he still curls up to Luke's side when they watch movies and he still sneaks into Luke's bedroom at night and presses his cold toes against Luke's warm legs.

The touching is not the only thing, though. It's also what Ashton says, because Ashton's still gently and ever so nice and carefully inquires if Luke is okay and if something is bothering him and he calls him ' Lukey ' in that soft, concerned tone and Luke is actually going to burst.

And he does, five days after the wedding, when Ashton goes to leave the house for groceries and places a kiss on Luke's cheek before he goes.

"Will you fucking  _stop_." The words are out of Luke's mouth before he  fully register it and Ashton stops dead in his tracks and raises an eyebrow, confused.

"What?" 

Well, Luke's started it now, he might as well finish it. Maybe it'll help him finally get over Ashton, maybe the only possible solution is to make it very clear to Ashton he needs him to stop. "Stop touching me like we are still boyfriends. We're  _not_  Ashton, we're friends, stop treating me like I'm more than that." 

Ashton face seems to  fall  and for a second Luke feels  incredibly  guilty. But then he remembers that he needs to do this, needs to focus on fixing his own heart because honestly this whole situation is getting absolutely ridiculous, so he holds his ground and eyes Ashton coolly.

"Oh," Ashton says. "Oh. I didn't. I'm sorry, I didn't know it bothered you. I just. I thought because during the wedding-" He takes a deep breath and suddenly his eyes harden. "You know what? Fuck you, Luke, honestly. Just fucking, suck my  _ass_ _._ Find someone else to be your little puppet that you can toy around with because I am   _done _ ."  And with those words he storms out of the room, leaving an utterly confused Luke behind.

\--

The words Ashton said  keep playing in Luke's mind, but they don't make sense, not at all. Ashton said Luke had been playing with him, while it was really the other way around. Ashton was the one who made Luke feel like shit, even if he didn't know it and it probably wasn't on purpose.

At first Luke's confused. He has no idea what Ashton even  _ means _  and it's messing with his head and leads to another few sleepless nights. After that he's mad, mad at Ashton because how  _dare_ he  accuse Luke of the exact thing Ashton did to him. Luke  _never _ used Ashton as a puppet. Sure, he asked Ashton to be his fake boyfriend, but it was  _never_  like that. 

Ashton was the one who  intitiated  most of the touches, Ashton was the first one who kissed him it was all  _Ashton._  Of course, in a way, Luke requested Ashton to do that, but there was no reason, no reason at  all  for Ashton to kiss Luke that night a week before the wedding. 

It makes Luke think. It makes Luke think because suddenly he  _realizes_   something. He realizes Ashton was way too eager to pretend to be Luke's boyfriend he realizes that Ashton was the first one to  intitiate  the touches, the first one to kiss him. Luke realizes Ashton was the most affectionate all the time and he realizes that Ashton feels like Luke  _ used him.  _

Luke realizes him and Ashton need to talk.

\--

It takes another week for Luke to finally muster up the courage to finally talk to Ashton because he's scared that he might be seeing things wrong, that once again he's getting his hopes up for something that isn't actually true, but eventually he figures it's worth the try, because right now they're getting nowhere.

However, the second part of talking to Ashton involves actually managing to corner Ashton so they _have_  to talk, which proves a lot harder than it seems.

Because even though before Ashton was all over Luke, ever since they had their fall out and Ashton left the apartment with the slam of their door, Luke hasn't been closer than, like, one feet to him. Every single time Luke walks into a room currently occupied by Ashton, Ashton walks out as fast as he can and whenever Ashton enters a room Luke is already in he will immediately turn around and leaves. It's getting frustrating, because every time Luke opens his mouth to ask Ashton if they can talk, Ashton's all ready far out of ear range.

Which eventually leads to Luke taking dramatic measures. 

The next time Ashton enters the bathroom in the morning to brush his teeth, Luke sneaks in after him and locks the door immediately, standing in front of it so Ashton can't get out. "We need to talk." 

Ashton looks up, toothbrush still stuck in his mouth and a little bit of toothpaste dribbling down his cheek, panic  clear in his eyes. "No we don't." He says, though it's hard to catch his exact words because of  the toothpaste. He spits it out and takes a few sips of water before  wiping his mouth and turning back to Luke, arms crossed. 

Luke keeps his ground, determined to do this. He wavers a bit when he catches Ashton's eyes for the first time in over a week, struck by the intensity  of his stare. Ashton's eyes, normally bright and sparkling, look dull, maybe a bit scared. Luke doesn't like it, wants to swoop in and place his hands on Ashton's cheeks and kiss his face until his eyes are shining again. He can do that, maybe, if this conversation goes okay. "We do. We need to talk about what happened." 

Ashton's eyes harden. "What  _ha ppened _ , Lucas, is that you gave me false hope, made me believe that I could have something that I thought I  could never have only to have you take me out like the trash when you no longer needed me." 

"Where are you  _talking_ about . You need to be clearer than that, Ashton, I have no idea what you even  _mean_. "

"Oh, you want to know exactly what happened? I'm in love with you, Luke, but you already knew that, didn't you? That's why you told me to stop touching you, because you realized that I was in love with you and you were uncomfortable with it, even though you were completely _fine_ with it when it was just pretend. Well, you know what, Luke? It was never pretend. Not for me." Ashton has his fists balled at his sides and he's fuming, but Luke can see the little bit of vulnerability in his eyes. 

"You're, you're in love with me?" It's probably not the smartest thing to say, probably not what he should focus on right now, but it's all he can hear in his head and the words tumble off his tongue before he can stop them. It's just, these are the words he wanted to hear for weeks, for _months _ and even though this is far from the perfect circumstances, locked in a bathroom and in the middle of a fight, Luke's heart is soaring with the small flicker of hope those words give him.

Ashton suddenly looks broken, small, as he laughs humorlessly. "Head over heels, ever since you first walked into the apartment and promptly tripped over one of the stray boxes that were lying around. Why do you think I agreed to being your fake boyfriend so easily? I wanted to be close to you, I thought, if I just, if I pretended  for a bit, it might, it might get easier afterwards? Because at least I could have a little bit of you?  But I was wrong, so wrong." He shakes his head. "Once I started touching you, being with you, I couldn't, I couldn't  _stop_. I want to hug you and kiss you and tell you  you  look beautiful when you wake up after a night of partying and your eyes are drooping and your hair is a mess. Because you do, to me. You always look beautiful. And I want you to know that and I want to make you believe you are but I  _can't _ because I'm not yours." Ashton's eyes are focused on the towel rack next to Luke, pointedly avoiding Luke's eyes.

"Oh," is all Luke says, and once again he curses himself for his incapability to form words, to say what he really wants, to say he loves Ashton too, to say the reason he pushed Ashton away because it was  _too much_ , too much of what he thought he couldn't have. But Ashton's right in front of him and there's tears forming in his eyes and Luke can't, he  _can't speak_.  He reaches forward, fingers latching on to the front of Ashton's shirt and he pulls him forward.

Ashton stumbled right into Luke's chest and Luke doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Ashton's shoulders. Ashton lifts his hands and places them on Luke's chest and for a second it seems he's going to push Luke away, deny the hug, but then he melts into Luke's embrace, fingers fisting into the fabric of Luke's shirt as he cries on Luke's shoulder. 

"The worst of it all is that I let you. I let you pull me closer and I let you pretend to love me and I let you break my heart. I should've said no, when you first asked, I should've never-"

"I'm in love with you too." 

Suddenly Ashton does push Luke away, forcefully, and Luke stumbles back, wide eyed as Ashton stands in front of him, fuming. "What the  _fuck_ , Luke. Don't. Don't fucking play me like that. Don't you  _dare _ say that to me. Not after you pushed me away and told me I needed to back off only to corner me in a bathroom a week later and let me confess my feelings to you. It's already bad enough that you know now, I don't need you, I don't need you to  _fuck me over_  like this. Honestly, fuck you." 

Luke feels like shit. Luke feels like the worst human being on the planet because he suddenly realizes what this must seem like to Ashton. Ashton was in the same boat as him, Ashton believed Luke didn't love him and used the opportunity to be pretend boyfriends to get closer to Luke, just like Luke had done. And now Ashton doesn't believe him, just like Luke wouldn't have believed him if he had been in the same boat, and he realizes that he needs to fix this. He needs to let Ashton believes he  does  love him, that they can be  _real_ boyfriends instead of fake ones.

"I don't think there was a specific moment I realized, really. It's just one of those things I fell into I guess? I mean, I've been absolutely smitten with you ever since the first time I saw you but it wasn't, I don't think it was love, in the beginning?" Luke starts, calmly, even though his hands are shaking at his sides. "Love came when I really,  _really_  got to know you. Love came when I heard you giggle for the first time. Love came when I was having a really shit day at work and when I came home you'd cooked diner and told me stories about  your day, silly ones, making me forget all about how shitty my own day had been. Love came the first time you crawled into my bed at night, homesick, and you wrapped your arms around my waist, looking up to me through your eyelashes and whispered 'Good night  Lukey ' into my skin." Luke takes a shaky breath, focusing on the tiles on the floor, too scared to look Ashton in the eye.

"Love came when you first kissed me, on the living room floor. Your body pressed on top of mine, your eyes shining with want and uncertainty. Love came when I realized how amazing you really are. And I just, I'm  _sorry_.  I'm sorry for dragging you into the whole thing with the wedding and I'm sorry, I'm so _so _ sorry for making you feel like this but I don't regret it, any of it. If anything, this whole thing has made me realize how in love with you I really am, which is quite frankly, a lot." He finally dares to look up at Ashton and when he does he finds Ashton's stari ng straight back at him, mouth slightly agape and blush dusting  his cheeks.

"The reason I pushed you away was because I thought, I thought you didn't like me back and you being around me like _that_  only reminded me of something I thought I could never have. I didn't, god I feel so stupid for never realizing until it was too late that you might, you might-" 

"Love you too." Ashton whispers, still staring at Luke with wide open eyes. 

"Yeah," Luke mutters, and then Ashton's stepping forward and pulling Luke into his arms and for the second time that morning they find themselves hugging in the bathroom, Ashton's face buried in his shoulder and Luke's arms tightly clasped around Ashton's waist. 

"God, we're so dumb." Ashton mutters into Luke's shoulder, before puling away to look Luke in the eyes. He reaches his hand up and places it on Luke's cheek, careful, his thumb tracing the tears stains that have formed there. Luke didn't even realize he was crying. "Can I...  is it okay if I kiss you?"

Luke laughs through his tears, eyes never leaving Ashton's. "You had no problem with doing it before, I can't believe you feel the need to ask me  literally right  after I've just declared my undying love for you." 

Ashton smiles, weakly, but his eyes betray a deeper lying worry. "I just need to know we're both in this. Like, for real." 

Luke places his hands on Ashton's face, wiping away his tears. "For real." 

The kiss is different from their previous ones, tastes a bit salty from the tears and a tiny bit minty from Ashton's toothpaste, but Luke's pretty sure it's the best kiss he's ever gotten.

Because this kiss is _real _ this is Luke and Ashton kissing and it's not because they're pretending to be boyfriends or because they're practicing or whatever, no, it's because they both _want to_. Just because they  _can.  _

Luke knows they still have a lot to talk about, about everything that happened. But he thinks for now, this is enough. 

\--

"You ready?" Jack asks, as he pokes his head around the door of the room Luke's currently in.

Luke's pacing back and forth, heading from one wall to the other and back, muttering to himself, barely noticing as Jack steps inside. "Little bro?"

Luke's head finally shoots up at that, looking at Jack with slightly panicked eyes. "What if he says no?" 

Jack laughs, actually honest to god laughs, and takes a step closer to Luke. "Oh my god, no, you cannot be serious. That is not actually what you are worried about." 

Luke stops pacing to face his brother. "But like, what if we're there, at the altar and everyone's staring at us and he suddenly realizes how much of a loser I am? And he's just like, 'Nah, I'm not going to marry this loser' and runs out of the church and leaves on a motorcycle with like three hot chicks on the back? What will I do then?" 

Jack raises an eyebrow. "You've really thought about this, haven't you?" Luke makes a low whining noise and Jack takes another step forward, wrapping his little brother up in a hug. "Ashton's not going to say no, Luke. Trust me, I was just in his room and he's just as bad as you are. Jumping of the walls with nerves but excited at the same time. You're going to be fine, okay? You two always are."  

Luke sighs and leans into the hug. "I know, I know. I'm just, I still can't believe I'm actually  marrying  him, you know? Like, it's so surreal. I still can't believe he actually wants to  _ be _ with me." 

Jack pulls away from the hug and pats his cheek. "Don't talk yourself down, Luke. You're a catch. He's lucky to have you. Now, on to more serious business, I kind of need you not to cry today." 

Luke scrunches up his nose. "What? Why?" 

"Well, because kind of have a bet going on and lets just say I don't like losing fifty bucks." Jack says  dismissively , waving his hand around.

"I can't believe you honestly bet about me crying. Also I cannot believe you bet I  _wouldn't_   cry. I cried while we went to pick out the  _wedding cake_ , Jack. Honestly, I thought you knew me better than that." 

Jack shrugs. "I have faith in you, okay? Besides, I've seen the cake and it's a  _really_ good cake. Like, I would cry over that beauty too. Now, get your ass ready because I don't want you to be late for your own wedding. Ashton will literally murder me. If mum doesn't get to me first."

\--

There's something magical about seeing Ashton in a suit. From the first time Luke saw him in a suit, at his brothers wedding, till now he has seen Ashton in multiple suits. But nothing will compare to  _this_. Luke's pretty sure it's not really about the suit, but also about the look on Ashton's face, full of emotion, and the fact his hands are shaking as they take Luke's in his to slip the ring on. 

His eyes meet Luke's and they're sparkling with  hapiness  and there's tears shining through them and he has that little half smile he always does when he looks at Luke and Luke doesn't think he's ever been more in love. 

Years have passed since they started dating and they've been through highs and lows together and there have been times Luke wanted  out out  out  because Ashton was suffocating and too much but he always,  _always_  comes crawling back because in the end Ashton is never too much. In the end Ashton still watches movies on the couch with him while they slowly fall asleep. In the end Ashton still pushes his cold toes against Luke's warm legs when they're sleeping. In the end Ashton still kisses Luke's shoulder when they're out in public, just to let Luke know he's still there, he still loves him. In the end it's Ashton. It's always Ashton.

"I do." 

\--

(Later, when they're leaving the church, Luke sees Jack hand Ben a fifty dollar bill with a scowl on his face.)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here](http://skatertotluke.tumblr.com) :)))))


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